In My Mind 19 - Choosing your circle, understanding the role of sacrifice and envy, why my reality is different to yours

Choose your circle wisely

Jim Rohn has been quoted hundreds of times saying "you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with". People who spend most of their time with successful business owners are more likely to become successful business owners. People who spend most of their time with drug addicts are more likely to become drug addicts. Based on this information, it is important that we plan who we spend time with. Finding people who are a couple of steps ahead of you in whatever pursuit you're working towards and spending time with them to listen and understanding their thought processes and previous mistakes gives you an advantage over someone who doesn't have these people in their lives.

This isn't a new thing, since 16th century Italy 'salons' have been held for people to come together and share ideas. This is the equivalent now to business masterminds where business owners come together once a month and talk about things that are blocking progress and things bringing them success. Alcoholics anonymous can also be used as an example with people attending and being surrounded by other like-minded people all battling with their addiction is a positive way and sharing their experiences with each other, led by someone who has themselves been through the journey.

Understand someone's sacrifice before envying their success

It can be very easy to be envious of other people; their car, job, family. But it's rare that we are able to take account of their sacrifices to be in the position they are in. For example, it's easy to look at professional footballers who earn thousands of pounds per week and think "I wish that was me" without taking into account that they aren't able to walk through a city centre with their family without being bombarded by fans wanting pictures, or that they're under the say of their club and if the club wants to sell them they might have to move cities or countries at the drop of a hat. 

From now on, whenever you feel envious of someone else's position, take account of the sacrifices needed to bring you to the same place. It can shorten the time spent in an envious mindset when you realise that the sacrifice doesn't feel worth it to you. 

Everyone is experiencing a different 'truth'

Reality is subjective. Initially, that seems like an oxymoron but it is true. If we were stood together watching something happen we could experience two completely different realities. Based on our previous life experience, context, and understanding we could argue for days over who is correct. 

An example of this is seeing a car accident. You could be sitting in the same car, just feet apart and see an accident happen in front of you but depending on your own experiences it would be easy to have different opinions over who is at fault. "They shouldn't have been so close to their rear bumper", "they shouldn't have been in the outside lane doing 50mph". We each build a perception of life and rarely do those perceptions cross over fully, often just missing each other.

Why is it useful to understand this? Well, once you understand this you can become aware of it in moments of disagreement, understanding that just because what a person is saying isn't true to you, it could be the most honest thing they've ever told you. A prime example of this is when someone says "the way you treat me makes me feel unlovable". On being told this, you can't turn around and say "that's not true", for it isn't your experience, it's theirs. It's their feeling, so it's their truth. Taking account of this can help you to move forward together, finding a shared solution.