Meaning over purpose, are you nice because you're nice, don't be ashamed of your effort
In this week's IMM, I talk about why you should look at what gives you meaning now rather than focusing on a single purpose, thoughts around where being nice comes from, and that you shouldn't be ashamed of making an effort.
Meaning over purpose
In the last 20 years everyone has been so focused on having a single "purpose" in life. This is a relatively new thing as people have turned away from having a single career for their whole life. But in truth, all we've done is swap a single job for a single purpose, no added flexibility.
Instead, we should try to concentrate on what is giving our life meaning in the moment, and letting our purpose be more fluid. Let your purpose evolve based on what is giving you meaning at this very moment. It may be that your career takes a moment in the spotlight and truly brightens your day, lean into it. There will be time in the future where something else takes over, don't be scared of leaning into that too.
Is it virtuous to do a nice thing if you are compelled to do it
If you are an inherent people pleaser that always checks on other people, not through want but through a compulsion, are you more or less virtuous than someone who doesn't have the same compulsions but checks in anyway? Are you more virtuous if you check in when you have to make an effort?
The question is more based around where an action comes from. It may be more virtuous to actively remove the behaviour where you check in on people as a compulsion until it is non-existent (temporarily making you a worse friend), and then reintroducing it as an intentional activity. It's a long winded way of going about reprogramming the thought behind an action but it makes complete sense.
No one deserves to be praised for kindness if they do not have the strength to be bad.
Setting boundaries makes you more believable and trustworthy because people know you are capable of doing the opposite to what you are doing right now.
Don't be ashamed of your effort
People put the same limitations on you as they do themselves and make anyone making more of an effort feel ostracised for making that effort to break away. If you're being told your efforts are pointless or "cringe" you have the choice to either listen and let it affect you and your behaviours or ignore it and pursue your goal anyway. It's becoming more common that people stepping outside the "norm" receive negative comments but if everyone were the same the world wouldn't move forward. Be courageous in your attempts to improve your own life. Other people's perception of you and your actions shouldn't affect the work you're willing to put in to get the things you want.
Mark Manson says “don’t mistake their insecurities for your ceiling”.